Some mommy advice for the new mommy

As we embark on the road to birth we pass many points of questioning, confusion and sometimes a little panic (or for some of us sheer panic). Having been there myself I realise how important other mom's experiences are to help pass these points to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy, birth and most of all the arrival of your baby. As I'm just little old me I asked around and collected other mommies advice to spread and hopefully offer that bit of support that can be so desperately needed.

While you are pregnant ( a few things I should have done more of) :

It might sound like I am suggesting having a baby takes away your personal enjoyment, but it shouldn't, I gave up many of these things happily, but on some days when you are worn out, sticky and so tired you can wish you had done a little more of these things.

. read lots, learn more, you will struggle to find the energy and time when baby gets here

. enjoy long showers

. enjoy long meals, I long to eat a nice hot meal or to have all my food to myself. You will automatically put baby first.

. take lots of you time, you deserve some pampering, get your hair done or take some time away

. have partner time, spend time together, enjoy uninterrupted conversation

. Last of all enjoy your pregnancy (if you are able to) its a wonderful bonding time for many mums and if you take time for you and bump you can start to feel a close bond with your baby and feel like you are really getting to know the. If funds allow I definitely recommend a 3D scan, its a sneaky peak into an amazing world of unknown.

When baby arrives you will given advice whether you want it or not and it might take time to decide what you take and what you decide to let go, but I have found much of the advice given to me by like minded moms a great support especially at those times you just feel completely lost. I asked around and this is what I received.

Feeding

•  Babies DO NOT feed at exact set times and always have the exact amounts each time! Being out of the womb is such a scary place, they don't understand if you expect them to lay there alone.. After the initial soreness breastfeeding is actually much easier than bottle feeding, it's always there, no bottles to have to make etc, aside from all the health benefits you both get! (can you tell I had a baby a few months ago? I could go on forever. :) )
•  Doctors and hv's are not trained in breast feeding. Giving formula will not make your baby sleep. When you are breast feeding do not look at the clock, watching tv or reading books as well as enjoying snuggles with baby worked for me. See it as relaxation time for yourself, a break in a busy day. The first 6 weeks are difficult, think zombie and your head feeling like full of cotton wool.
•  Feed them when they are hungry
•  Breast feeding may be natural but it isn't always easy - if it doesn't feel right ask for help
• There is a 4m growth spurt, when you reach it you feel like you don't have enough milk and baby is feeding all the time. When this happens don't panic! Just feed feed feed. Get a book and take a Saturday and lay in bed together feeding and reading cuddling or watching tv. Supply and demand so. They feed more you make more.
• Babies are much better at getting milk out of your boob than you are. So don't take the amount of expressed milk to be set in stone. Chances are you just are like me and don't express well :)
• Get info on where your nearest breast feeding groups are before having baby so in case of issues you can reach out to different people immediately.
•  Breastfeeding may be natural, but sometimes it takes a bit of work so do some reading beforehand to be prepared. Babies know what they need better than we do, so listen to them, they have primal instincts such as don't sleep too long so you don't go hungry, make sure you make a lot of noise if you find yourself alone in the dark, that might not make sense in our modern world but to them its everything they know so be kind and respond to their needs.
• Baby led weaning is so much easier then purees.
• If you are Breastfeeding, you can never feed too often. If baby isn't interested they won't feed.
• Have contact numbers for the BF support lines to hand and if possible get to support meetings and build up that support network in advance - it can make all the difference.

 Sleeping

•  I would say the main advice that I would give someone is to listen to your child. You may have ideas how you see yourself as a parent (or how everyone sees you too) but your child is an individual and treat him/ her as one. Test things out rather than going with what you 'think' you already know- they will let you know what they prefer! Never be afraid of trying something, and never be worried to stop something. We tried cosleeping, but I was too anxious in the early months that something would happen in my sleep so she went into her cot... Then we started cosleeping again c4 months. It works for our family. 

Baby wearing 

•  Go to a slingmeet and rent slings from a sling library. I have no idea how others might parent without them.

Follow your instinct 

• Trust your instinct, health visitors don't know everything
•  Listen to your instincts and have confidence to go with them, after all women have been successfully parenting for thousands of years before we had "experts" to tell us what we should and shouldn't be doing.
•  Your baby has not read the same 'parenting' book that you have, what would you do if you were raising your baby on a desert island etc - your instinct is probably right
•  Follow your baby's lead. Your instincts will rarely be wrong, but research A Bit too. Co-sleep, baby-wear, hold them, spend every second with them, watching them. They grow fast, they change daily & it won't take you long to figure one another out but as soon as you learn your babys cues life gets SO much easier. Be prepared for everyone else thinking they know best and to have to defend your choices.
•  "I did it with mine and they're ok/nothing happened to them" is NOT helpful and should be ignored, just because it worked for them or it caused their child no harm its not always going to work for you, go with your feelings and instinct, if you're happy, your husband/other children are and the baby's happy then nothing else matters :)
• Trust your instinct. Go with your heart not the expectations of society. Very general I know but goes far in first instance.

 General goodies 

•  There is no such thing as a rod for your own back with a newborn baby.
•  Babies don't know what time it is
•  Cuddle them as much as you can
•  They cry because they need you not because they want to manipulate you, it's a baby not Sharon stone, they dont have elaborate plans to keep you from sleep to make you feel terrible, they just need love!
•  Consider a BabyCalm workshop or course ;) https://www.facebook.com/BabyCalm
•  My best line "they are my children and I am their parent!"
• You are not the only one who is finding it hard- just not everyone admits to it!!
• Not everyone instantly bonds with their baby , this is perfectly fine ! Take your time to get to know each other and have plenty of cuddles and the bond will come .
• Someone described the first three months of the baby's life as the 'fourth trimester' -  It's kind of about continuing the safety and security and snuggliness, closeness and loving provision of all needs without question that they have just left behind in the womb, isn't it, and that to me was a perfect picture of what my baby needed in being held and carried and loved.
• Your baby is will not slot neatly into your old life, nor should they! Keep them close, learn their cues and change and grow with them gently shaping rather than expecting them to bend to your will. He just wants to be safe, fed and loved like any other.
•  Don't buy a pushchair until you are sure you need it. We spent ages finding a small folding one which would fit in our boot and was suitable from birth and I don't think I've used it more that a dozen times.
•  More expensive does not mean better.
• Don't tidy your house up for guests, they have come to see you & your baby, not your housework.
• Buy yourself a nice jug for drinking water and keep it somewhere you see it in order to ensure you drink enough.
• Get in the habit of narrating your day and your babies activity from birth. That way they are always hearing speech and developing those areas of the brain.
• Make yourself a sandwich for tomorrow's lunch each evening because you might not get a chance to go into the kitchen.

 

Final words:

Keep focussed on the long term goals. When you're sleep deprived, stressed or just come back from a hellish 'my-baby-is-better-than-yours' coffee mornings it's so easy to crave short term solutions. B/feeding, BLW, co-sleeping can all have moments where they are not the easiest choice and you'll find yourself envying friends who can magic more milk from the supermarket, have lunch without a twenty minute cleanup and all while being rested after a full night's sleep as the baby knows better than to attempt to get mum's attention at night. But you must hold onto why you made these choices originally and long term benefits of them. One day, not that long from now, you'll be so pleased and proud that you did!

 Don't be afraid to ask for help, you're not a failure! It's ok to find things hard because it is